I don't know exactly why I'm blogging, except to communicate with the world those things I cannot otherwise say.
I'm Catholic, a convert of 16 years. I'm working on my dissertation. My mother lives with me. I live and work in the world.
I became Catholic after a search of 23 years that included much reading, tears, depression, and questions.
When I was in the 2nd grade, I recall my SS teacher asking us kids how we know the Bible is true. I waited for THE answer. "Because it says it is," was the reply. So started my search, I believe, which went throttle up, full speed when I was 16 years ago after an English teacher said to our class, "You only believe the Bible is true because you've been told that it's true."
At age 13, I experienced something. Pentecostals call it the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I didn't seek it; I had not been asking for it. One Sunday night at church, I experienced the overwhelming love of God. I never experienced anything like it before or since. It instilled in me a knowing that God-is-love. Period. It gave me a foundation that has kept me through things we all experience in life.
Yet, at age 16, I experienced the unraveling of faith, only to find what I believe to be the true faith when I was 39 years of age.
At age 18, I decided that I would take the course of study that would challenge my faith the most in hopes of finding it. I had prayed for a complete healing of my faith. I was told that I would go through some things. I was told correctly. For me, that course of study turned out to be majoring in English because of my fascination with language. I thought that if I could figure out the role of langauge in literature that I could figure out its role in religion.
A few months before I went to the Catholic Church to receive instruction, I dreamed about one of my favorite writers, Walker Percy. I dreamed that I was trying to cross a bridge, knowing that when I got to the other side of the bridge, I would meet him. He told me in this dream not to want him, but to want what he had.
It's been 16 years. I love it. I'm besotted.
